A Wedge to Remember

It was really not an untold story. I remember writing about it long time ago. (when my blog used to be in Multiply.)

It was a pair that makes me smile everytime I remember. Makes me evoke the good times. And then I suddenly forgot about it as time passed by. This wedge was never included in those broken pairs. Its comfort used to be different. It was real yet it seemed impossible to attain. Its story makes me remember that during those drastic walk, this pair came and gave me a different ease.

I have to admit, I did wait for it to come back. To imagine how it’s like to have it. How it’s like to walk in it. But it never happened. It just didn’t happen.

Then I met this pair again. And those smiles reminded me of those times when it did really make a difference. When I used to be happy just walking in it. Without reservations. Without expectations.

We are still happy. And the relief I find in it is still the same.

And to both of us, we wish happiness in separate ways!

Because it will always be that pair which never depicts bitterness. And like how we first met, it made me smile again and feel that composure. I somehow asked: What if? But that was only for a time before I realized:

It’s DONE. It’s enough that we crossed paths again and reminisce those good times. Like we said and accepted in ourselves, WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE.

Then I went back to my Mr. Shoe who is destined for that walk of forever, and without any doubt, I told myself: this is still and will always be the pair meant for me.

And this wedge will just be something to remember.

A letter for my old Mary janes

Dear MJ,

Once a upon a time…

Your fit seemed perfect.

Our walk together made a mark and created a story.. a story that just kept going.. no ending.. (just how we thought)

For 6 long years you were just there in my box- - locked. And nobody dared to replace you, for I did not allow. I’ve seen and tried different shoes… different fit, different styles, different colors, different stories… but I always had reasons to look back… to still hope… to still wait… to still believe that once in my shoe life… our story will have another chapter… a happy ending… (how pathetic and desperate of me) Despite the pains… bitterness… of wounded feet… I still had reasons to try your fit and walk in you… I tried to let you go (God knows how I begged to help me let you go) but everytime I had the courage to do it, you were there again… tempting me to look back to the memories we had… to that story we once shared and tried to put an end…

and then, I got tired. Tired of trying the fit that won’t ever be perfect and right. Tired of walking in you. Tired letting my wounds and calluses be healed by time. Tired of you. Tired of us. Tired of that story that for now I desperately want to end. (may it NOT be a happy ending for us at all)

because this time, I have decided to try another pair. Shoes that are totally not my style, but my feet are looking and seeking for comfort. To once again believe. To once again love and be loved. To once again trust and be trusted. I want to take chances. Not with you and to our story without ending… but to that way to happiness that I want to believe I somehow deserve.

and this I ask from you… Please let me go… help me to find my way back to that place I almost forgot its existence. Help me to unselfishly embrace and enjoy its fit. This is my new shoe story and you are not part of it anymore. I have removed you a long time ago and kept you… but I think the best way to end our story is to finally unlock this box and allow my wounded feet to step again until I can stand and walk again. Until I can stride or jump again. Until I can honestly say: “Yes, I am happy!”

Thank you… for loving me this much (all this time)... You were forgiven for all the pains and anger and bitterness you caused me… our story will never be forgotten but this has to end. And finally (after the longest time, painful years and a very tiring walk…whew!)…

I am ending this.