if the shoe doesn't fit... THROW it!

*** This goes for that pair of sneakers i did try but lost its way to my feet. (i hope by any way you can read this:)

I AM SORRY.
I really do.
It is NOT my fault that you are too simple for me...
It is NOT my fault that you felt that way...
and it is NOT my fault that you won't ever fit in my sense of style and sensibility. ...

but I did try.. and i know that you know that..
and I am just so disappointed because just like that, you lost your way and you're gone.
Just like the other shoes i had, you hurt my feet.
I wanted to walk and stand in you but you are nowhere to find... and just like the other shoes that did not fit... i then have to THROW you and never look back...

LESSON LEARNED: I never liked wearing sneakers, anyway... why settle for LESS (or LESSER). At least i did try. (i know i did.)

Old Old Shoes

When you are currently an official B-U-M, you don’t have any choice but to go back home and be in that place where everything has started…And yes, this also includes blogging and suddenly comes up with a lot of ideas to write about. Waaah!!! But for me, it was actually a good time to see those old old shoes I almost forgot I had.

Seeing these pairs (again) made me remember the old times.

Old school.

Old stuff.

I laughed remembering the funny old times I shared with these shoes. I felt the dramas of the past. But all of these are now way beyond the life I have been and the life I have now. I admired that simple girl who used to wear these shoes. That girl who never stops dreaming, wishing, praying. That girl who still has the same simple ambitions in life. That girl who never fails to look back, because this is how I created my shoe story. I did not try to wear those old shoes again. Some were really old and rusty. Some I couldn’t even recognize anymore. Some I know have its own story now… but it’s nice to recognize that these shoes helped me create a beautiful life.

A fabulous shoe story I will never stop writing.

‘Til we meet again, old shoes! :) :)

A letter for my old Mary janes

Dear MJ,

Once a upon a time…

Your fit seemed perfect.

Our walk together made a mark and created a story.. a story that just kept going.. no ending.. (just how we thought)

For 6 long years you were just there in my box- - locked. And nobody dared to replace you, for I did not allow. I’ve seen and tried different shoes… different fit, different styles, different colors, different stories… but I always had reasons to look back… to still hope… to still wait… to still believe that once in my shoe life… our story will have another chapter… a happy ending… (how pathetic and desperate of me) Despite the pains… bitterness… of wounded feet… I still had reasons to try your fit and walk in you… I tried to let you go (God knows how I begged to help me let you go) but everytime I had the courage to do it, you were there again… tempting me to look back to the memories we had… to that story we once shared and tried to put an end…

and then, I got tired. Tired of trying the fit that won’t ever be perfect and right. Tired of walking in you. Tired letting my wounds and calluses be healed by time. Tired of you. Tired of us. Tired of that story that for now I desperately want to end. (may it NOT be a happy ending for us at all)

because this time, I have decided to try another pair. Shoes that are totally not my style, but my feet are looking and seeking for comfort. To once again believe. To once again love and be loved. To once again trust and be trusted. I want to take chances. Not with you and to our story without ending… but to that way to happiness that I want to believe I somehow deserve.

and this I ask from you… Please let me go… help me to find my way back to that place I almost forgot its existence. Help me to unselfishly embrace and enjoy its fit. This is my new shoe story and you are not part of it anymore. I have removed you a long time ago and kept you… but I think the best way to end our story is to finally unlock this box and allow my wounded feet to step again until I can stand and walk again. Until I can stride or jump again. Until I can honestly say: “Yes, I am happy!”

Thank you… for loving me this much (all this time)... You were forgiven for all the pains and anger and bitterness you caused me… our story will never be forgotten but this has to end. And finally (after the longest time, painful years and a very tiring walk…whew!)…

I am ending this.

Great one vs. Right one

Stiletto. Wedge. Kitten heels. Tweed. Pumps. T-strap. Slingback. Peep-toe. Gladiators. Mary Janes. Round toe.

The list won't ever end... but at the end of the day, you have to choose. You have to pick that pair that will inspire you and change the concept of the life you believe. You have to dictate in your head that this is "FOREVER" and that there is no turning back.

Gracious bow heels that has elegant shade of crystal red. Classic ankle strap and thin stiletto heel. For years, you've been obsessed to this pair. Despite all the bad fall (quite few) you've encountered in this, you wanted it badly. It gives statement.. attracts everyone and leaves good impression. It's the greatest pair you have. But the stride is a challenge you have to take. Complicated. You know the chances of stumbling and falling at times. You're scared to get hurt if once again you trip.

And that's when you turned to this peep toe ballerina flats. It's not as stunning and scene-stealer as the other. It's lovely but not as inviting and astounding. But it gives comfort and steadiness. The right pair you have.

You love them both... but now you have to choose. Because in any way you wanted, you can only have a pair.. only one. And yes, it's "forever"- - a lifetime in this pair.

Without any second thought you grabbed the latter- that makes walking a pleasure. That gives break to your feet and makes your life easier.

Deep inside you know how you feel.. you still want the other pair and to wear it again.. to show its glam and beauty.

But you already let go and you can never have it back..

You made your choice.

You're safe.

... and then i asked: "Why didn't you choose me?"

And you said without any doubt: "Because i know you're just Great, but you are NOT the right one. (Ouch!)

** Watch me.(yes, YOU!) because i will be.

Mary Janes

I still remember how these shoes had part in me. When it seemed i can wear it with anything. A-line plaid skirt, stockings, ruffled white top; goes well in uniforms. Very chic. Very young. Very old school. (so last season!)

It was useful. It was good. It was old.

For a long time, i kept it. Locked in its box. Away.

I did not even bother to look at it. Or to use it (again). But these shoes still know how to get on me. Tempting me to try (again) another fit. I stared at it. Looked at its marks caused by old times.

Stained.

I remember the longest walk in these shoes. Tiring. Painful. Until i gave up and removed it. There won't be any way to regain its value.

Old.

Worthless.

I am done with my Mary Janes. I just have to keep it until i'll forget i even had a pair.

Dear You,

As much as you want to try it the right way this time... It won't ever have that "perfect" fit.

Thank you for the apologies i have been wanted to hear.

No more bitterness. No remorse. we are done.

Just let me.

Until here,

Me.