Shoe Love is True Love.

For almost a month, I have been praying every day and night to let me feel and discern the right thing to do. I was staggered that there was a certain part of me that was suddenly not sure of my happy ending. When you’re in pain, it seems to be the right time to self-assess as well, which is a good way to do. Believe me, I did.

I cannot deny that there are still days I still feel the pain and betrayal. There are still times I couldn’t help but feel sad. But I knew in my heart, there is this part that never wanted me to just give up. Because no one can ever stop me from my happy ending. Or maybe, that pain was not even close to the happiness I had and I know I will still have.

I prayed to feel that certainty again. To feel that same emotion I had from the start; that excitement; that confidence that this is really happening. I have to admit, I was terrified that I just didn’t feel it anymore. And it almost broke me. Broke us. Behind my smiles and laughter, I knew the evil side of me was pushing me to walk away or to declare my sweet revenge. I was so close to it, but there was one thing that kept me going, just going- LOVE. Because it never fades, it NEVER should!

No pair ever promises of a walk to heaven. Every heel bites in some way. But still, I have to stand and walk and once again believe.  Cliché as it may sound, time will heal my once bruised foot and time will also dictate when is the moment to forget.  For now, I will love more. Love each sole. Each story. Because my shoe love is true love. Love until I bestow that trust again and patch the crack of my broken shoe.

Cinderella asks for a SIGN.

She knows she can forgive her broken shoe, but it saddens her that it kills her to forget.

Because she remembers every single detail, every single line that almost crash her happy ending.

And she worries every single day that one miss step and it will totally shatter.

Her love for its sole is never a question but she knows one thing beyond repair and now sitting still in one corner of her vision- her trust.

Dear broken shoe,

Help me to forget.

Because it still hurts.

Because there are still days that I doubt on you and there are still times that I ask:

“Am I doing the right thing?”

Because I need to clinch everything until it all sweeps away.

Let me see that genuine glass again like before and once again believe.

Let me witness that sign I asked, to assure me that yes, it is me and like what you promised- it will be worth it.

And when that day comes that I will put you on my foot, I will be confident again to stand and walk and say to myself: 

“This is the perfect pair I’ve been waiting to wear!”

Love,

Cinderella

Favorite Mistake

That feeling like there’s fire inside my chest.

That crazy sound in my head that I just want to scream.

That bad hair day that turns out to be i-feel-so-fat-and-bloated day as well.

That effort of fighting back those tears that I know eventually will fall down and will be on my top list of embarrassing moments.

That pain and bitterness.

And yes, that was all YOU.

Then one day, I got tired feeling all these. I entered into this place where I felt a sudden difference.

A friendly lady asked me to try it on and said: “Ma’am it looks perfect on you!”

Then I had that confidence again. That feeling that I belong. That I can stand tall and tower over YOU. Over anyone else. And it feels good. Hell no, it feels absolutely great!!!

Then I bought that pair. And another one. Another one again to feel much better. And more to never have that same feeling of sadness. Until I noticed and realized, I am obsessed to each pair. Each story. Because everytime I try a new one, that sting fades away.

And that’s how it all started.

Now who’s a shoe addict? I’m not!

Because each pair I own has a story to say and it justifies my favorite mistake.

YOU.

               

Cinderella’s Broken Shoe

She was on her way to happy ending and ready to put on that pair with a promise of forever, when she noticed that crack on her polished glass shoe. 

She has been aware of that tiny line that once threatened her shoe to break but she chose not to mind it.  Because she was holding on to one thing- her TRUST.

She suddenly had worries trying it on, afraid it may not fit anymore or that crack might wound her once bruised feet. 

She doubted if this will still be the fairytale she has ever dream of.

Afraid if this is still the same pair she has been waiting to wear for the rest of her life.

She tried to hide it and just let it pass, but it reminded her of that fear she once had.

She remembered that feeling;

That kick in her stomach that wanted her to throw up;

That stoned shape thing inside her heart;

That stillness in her spine.

She remembered  exactly what this is.

She remembered pain.

Then she realized: it is not just a memory, it is real.

And it hurts. It fuckin hurts!

Cinderella looked at her broken shoe and prayed:

If this is still worth it, so be it. :(

“Trust is like a broken heel, you can still fix it.. but it will never look the same.”

Karma is a Bitch!

Like I have absorbed it, it was really NOT a big deal. Not at all!   

Or it’s just how I wanted to deal with it.

But that made me realize that when you were once a BITCH, Karma really knows how to get back to you.

In. Real. Time.

 It will haunt you. No miss.

I wanted to blame it to those pairs I tried on while finding my Mr. Perfect Fit.

Finding the right shoe led me to jagged roads.

I couldn’t blame myself for mistakenly putting on different pairs as I was trying to find that one perfect fit.

It was tough.

It was a mess.

And now, it is painful.

Painful that I just wanted to go back to how I started.

I wanted to put the blame to myself. I should not have been deceived by those shoes. I should have been more careful when putting them on.

But I just have to accept, it’s done and over!

I am on to my next challenge.

Those rusty filthy shoes just made my feet stronger.

Made me get used of wearing even higher heels, may it be running or jumping on them.

Dare. Me.

Nothing can stop me from being happy.  Because that’s what I deserve.

Yes, my Karma is a bitch, but I will always be bitchier!  (and you just have to watch me- over and over!)

Life and Shoe Choices

Life as I look at it is like finding the right pair of shoes.  It’s like trying on different styles and fitting on different sizes.

In the end, what matters is what your heart feels about it and how you stride on it. 

How many times do we need to stumble just because the fit is not right?

How many times do we have to get over those old shoes? Let go and move on to the next?

And nobody dares to say that it is but easy.

But just like looking for shoes, we always have our choices.

Same with the choices I make in life, I have each pair to justify it.

I play favorites too, like those that I never miss to wear from time to time. Same with the people I value and care about.

 I toss shoes that suck too. Like those old and tight shoes that hurt my feet. Cheap shoes are easy to go with but they are the easiest to throw. 

Wearing heels has been hell at times, but there are always flats shoes to save my feet. As I am being saved by my loved ones in tough times.

Sometimes I am left with a pair that just doesn’t fit. It’s hard to let go but I am on to the one available. With much better size and comfort.

There are those I dream about of having. Those I have been working hard to afford.

And of course, there are pairs that are worth keeping no matter how old they are for their memories and stories.

Like Cinderella, I’ve been dreaming of that one perfect fit as well and I am more than lucky to have it.

I realized, life choices are like my shoe preferences.  

At the end of each shoe challenge is a beautiful beginning.

Rubber Sandals

The first time I saw you, I knew I won’t like you. I was never wrong. I loathed you.  

We had arguments and I took all chances that I can bully you. You’re but annoying for me.

Just like rubber sandals, you are light and easy to go with but you are NOT my style. You seek for attention, that I strongly believe, you just don’t deserve! You never fail to infuriate me as I end up being affected by your nonsense approach.

Then I realized, you’re but real to me. You try to please me and you stay good to me.

Guilty as charged, it’s me. It’s me who’s unfair for judging you. It’s me for being so immature to step on you and hurt you in some ways. (truly, in many ways)

So I step back and I am sorry. Maybe I’ll get used to your “unintentional” crankiness and won’t mind you at all. Thank you for still choosing to be true to me. As I promised myself that I will forgive and just forget my #frienemies. I am waving white flag. My game with you is over.

P.S. I will remove you from my list of people-to-kill someday. *wink*

Maybe in time, we’ll be friends too. REAL friends.